Though I’ve usually written contracts and settled house sale transactions on vacation eves, I’m winding up my enterprise for 2024 a bit bit early – this week, the truth is.
I’ve deliberate a well-deserved trip after the primary of the brand new yr, however upon my return, I will probably be studying articles by actual property pundits, following rate of interest fluctuations, conserving my ear to the bottom, and anticipating what a change in administration will portend for the DMV actual property market.
So, I go away you with a column in verse, apropos for the season, with apologies to settlement attorneys and shutting brokers.
’Twas the evening earlier than closing, in an workplace downtown.
Two brokers had been stirring and operating round:
Linda, the consumers’ rep, daring and astute,
And the sellers’ rep, Robert, in his sharp, tailor-made go well with.
The consumers had been giddy, their pleasure fairly clear,
Would they be of their home by the beginning of subsequent yr?
The sellers, in the meantime, had been packing all day,
Now exhausted and glad to be shifting away.
Linda seemed down on the telephone in her hand,
And questioned how far more of this she may stand.
The pings got here like sleighbells; her battery spent.
She puzzled aloud the place that lacking file went.
Robert sat again and surveyed his area,
Feeling smug that his work had not been in useless.
In the meantime, poor Linda was dropping her cool,
Coping with consumers who broke each rule.
“Do NOT purchase a sofa! Don’t apply for a mortgage!
“If this deal falls aside, you may be by yourself!”
“Don’t open a bank card! Don’t lease a automobile,”
“Otherwise you’ll need to proceed to stay the place you might be.”
On the home, an inspector popped in for a peek,
And pronounced that the HVAC would die in every week.
The consumers erupted: “We’d like 20 grand!”
And Linda simply sighed together with her head in her hand.
“Calm down,” she mentioned calmly, “We’ll get it repaired,”
As she tried to recollect – had this been declared?
She then texted Robert, restating the plea,
And the response that got here again: “LOL. Not from me.”
As midnight drew nearer, extra chaos ensued:
An appraisal adjustment! A snowstorm was due!
The lender went silent, their system was fried,
A typo was discovered, and the printer had died.
Then out on the street, there arose such a clatter,
Each brokers dashed out to see what was the matter.
A self-driving Tesla crashed right into a pole,
However they couldn’t see anybody there to console.
After which, on the sidewalk, a determine appeared,
In a blazer and boots, together with his clipboard and beard.
His alpaca haircut, his enamel all aglow,
It needed to be Slick Nick, the settlement professional.
He carried a satchel, with papers galore,
And his eyes had a twinkle as he neared the entrance door.
His stride was assertive, his voice was imposing.
“I get it. I’m early. I’m right here for the closing.”
Nick adjusted his glasses, and gave issues a look,
“I’ve seen terrible offers, however this one? Slim likelihood.”
“Sufficient of the drama, the last-minute stalls,
Let’s settle this now—no extra late-night calls!”
He summoned the lender in a threatening voice,
“Clarify your self now–there isn’t any different alternative;”
The lender, chagrined, muttered “technical glitch,”
And the funds switch rapidly was expertly fastened.
However Nick wasn’t completed; he mentioned with a glare:
“You consumers and sellers – sit down in a chair!”
“Simply signal all of the papers whereas I make a name.
“Now wrap it up! Wrap it up! Wrap it up all!”
The signing all occurred with relative ease,
Then got here photos and handshakes, and switch of keys.
The brokers high-fived and sat again of their chairs,
Reflecting with satisfaction on the day’s closed affairs.
The consumers had been thrilled, their pleasure had no bounds.
“Can we now submit on Insta? Announce to the city?”
The sellers smiled too, with an enormous verify in hand,
To construct a brand new home on a big plot of land.
Linda simply nodded, her endurance worn skinny,
Whereas questioning which closing was subsequent to start.
And Robert remarked on the purpose they’d achieved,
Grateful the method had gone as conceived.
Then Nicky stood tall, his work lastly completed,
And he grumbled, “Good grief, this one wasn’t a lot enjoyable.”
He climbed again in his Tesla, his telephone in his grip,
And he turned to the brokers with one closing quip:
“Let’s hear it for teamwork,” he mentioned with a sneer,
“I’m off to affix buddies for a shot and a beer.”
Joyful Holidays! Wishing you good well being, good instances, and blissful closings in 2025.
Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Affiliate Dealer in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Name or textual content her at 202-246-8602, electronic mail her at DCHomeQuest.com, or comply with her on Fb at TheRealst8ofAffairs.
