Though I’ve typically written contracts and settled dwelling sale transactions on vacation eves, I’m winding up my enterprise for 2024 slightly bit early – this week, in truth.
I’ve deliberate a well-deserved trip after the primary of the brand new 12 months, however upon my return, I will probably be studying articles by actual property pundits, following rate of interest fluctuations, protecting my ear to the bottom, and anticipating what a change in administration will portend for the DMV actual property market.
So, I depart you with a column in verse, apropos for the season, with apologies to settlement attorneys and shutting brokers.
’Twas the evening earlier than closing, in an workplace downtown.
Two brokers had been stirring and working round:
Linda, the patrons’ rep, daring and astute,
And the sellers’ rep, Robert, in his sharp, tailor-made go well with.
The patrons had been giddy, their pleasure fairly clear,
Would they be of their home by the beginning of subsequent 12 months?
The sellers, in the meantime, had been packing all day,
Now exhausted and glad to be transferring away.
Linda regarded down on the cellphone in her hand,
And questioned how rather more of this she might stand.
The pings got here like sleighbells; her battery spent.
She puzzled aloud the place that lacking file went.
Robert sat again and surveyed his area,
Feeling smug that his work had not been in useless.
In the meantime, poor Linda was shedding her cool,
Coping with patrons who broke each rule.
“Do NOT purchase a sofa! Don’t apply for a mortgage!
“If this deal falls aside, you’ll be by yourself!”
“Don’t open a bank card! Don’t lease a automotive,”
“Otherwise you’ll should proceed to stay the place you’re.”
On the home, an inspector popped in for a peek,
And pronounced that the HVAC would die in per week.
The patrons erupted: “We want 20 grand!”
And Linda simply sighed together with her head in her hand.
“Loosen up,” she mentioned calmly, “We’ll get it repaired,”
As she tried to recollect – had this been declared?
She then texted Robert, restating the plea,
And the response that got here again: “LOL. Not from me.”
As midnight drew nearer, extra chaos ensued:
An appraisal adjustment! A snowstorm was due!
The lender went silent, their system was fried,
A typo was discovered, and the printer had died.
Then out on the street, there arose such a clatter,
Each brokers dashed out to see what was the matter.
A self-driving Tesla crashed right into a pole,
However they couldn’t see anybody there to console.
After which, on the sidewalk, a determine appeared,
In a blazer and boots, together with his clipboard and beard.
His alpaca haircut, his enamel all aglow,
It needed to be Slick Nick, the settlement professional.
He carried a satchel, with papers galore,
And his eyes had a twinkle as he neared the entrance door.
His stride was assertive, his voice was imposing.
“I get it. I’m early. I’m right here for the closing.”
Nick adjusted his glasses, and gave issues a look,
“I’ve seen terrible offers, however this one? Slim likelihood.”
“Sufficient of the drama, the last-minute stalls,
Let’s settle this now—no extra late-night calls!”
He summoned the lender in a threatening voice,
“Clarify your self now–there isn’t any different selection;”
The lender, chagrined, muttered “technical glitch,”
And the funds switch shortly was expertly mounted.
However Nick wasn’t completed; he mentioned with a glare:
“You patrons and sellers – sit down in a chair!”
“Simply signal all of the papers whereas I make a name.
“Now wrap it up! Wrap it up! Wrap it up all!”
The signing all occurred with relative ease,
Then got here photos and handshakes, and switch of keys.
The brokers high-fived and sat again of their chairs,
Reflecting with satisfaction on the day’s closed affairs.
The patrons had been thrilled, their pleasure had no bounds.
“Can we now put up on Insta? Announce to the city?”
The sellers smiled too, with an enormous examine in hand,
To construct a brand new home on a big plot of land.
Linda simply nodded, her persistence worn skinny,
Whereas questioning which closing was subsequent to start.
And Robert remarked on the purpose they’d achieved,
Grateful the method had gone as conceived.
Then Nicky stood tall, his work lastly executed,
And he grumbled, “Good grief, this one wasn’t a lot enjoyable.”
He climbed again in his Tesla, his cellphone in his grip,
And he turned to the brokers with one remaining quip:
“Let’s hear it for teamwork,” he mentioned with a sneer,
“I’m off to hitch buddies for a shot and a beer.”
Blissful Holidays! Wishing you good well being, good instances, and completely satisfied closings in 2025.
Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Affiliate Dealer in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Name or textual content her at 202-246-8602, e-mail her at DCHomeQuest.com, or comply with her on Fb at TheRealst8ofAffairs.
