Now ‘Free,’ Amanda Knox’s memoir is about her seek for that means : NPR

American Amanda Knox was catapulted into international infamy after being accused of the 2007 homicide of her British roommate, Meredith Kercher, throughout a research overseas program in Perugia, Italy. Knox spent almost 4 years in an Italian jail earlier than her conviction was overturned, and he or she was finally exonerated. Nonetheless, Kercher’s homicide stays the defining second of Knox’s life.

“Two very younger ladies went to Perugia and one in every of them did not get to go dwelling and one in every of them got here dwelling fully and completely modified,” she says. “It is a grieving course of for me for each of us.”

Within the years since her exoneration, Knox has labored to reclaim her narrative. In her first ebook, Ready to Be Heard, she centered on the main points of her conviction. Her newest memoir, Free: My Seek for Which means, goes past the occasions of her trial and imprisonment and explores the realities of reintegrating into society and rebuilding a life.

“I felt so alone and so ostracized for therefore lengthy, and never simply after I was in a jail cell,” she says. “I felt very alone after I got here dwelling till I noticed that all of us, sooner or later in our lives, have exterior issues taking place to us that we won’t management that make us really feel like we’re trapped in our personal life and that we’re not the protagonists of our personal life.”

Wrongful convictions have grow to be a part of Knox’s life work. She sits on the board of administrators of the Innocence Middle, a nonprofit regulation agency devoted to liberating harmless individuals from jail. And she or he steadily takes on the true crime style within the podcast she hosts together with her husband known as Labyrinths.

A number of years in the past, in an effort to come back to phrases with what occurred to her, Knox reached out to the Italian prosecutor who despatched her to jail. He responded and the 2 started an unlikely correspondence, during which they talked about “all the things underneath the solar, the case, but in addition our lives,” Knox says.

“He has admitted that he might have been flawed. He has admitted to me that I’m not the person who he thought he was prosecuting, that if somebody had been to ask him to prosecute this case once more at this time, he wouldn’t as a result of he is aware of that I am not able to committing such a criminal offense,” Knox says.

Interview highlights

On Meredith Kercher

It is true that I did not know Meredith very properly. I had solely recognized her for a couple of weeks. That mentioned, if you research overseas, you get to know individuals actually shortly as a result of each of us had been new arrivals to Perugia. … I used to be 20. She was 21. She was finding out journalism. I used to be finding out languages. And we each occurred to hire a room on this stunning little home overlooking the countryside. And it was good. It was that lovely time of your life when all the things is feasible and you’ve got each cause to count on to have stunning experiences.

On her expertise with survivor’s guilt

I’ve struggled each with survivor’s guilt in addition to with — somebody simply pointed this out to me — it is like survivor’s responsible by proxy, the place different individuals are form of imposing survivor’s guilt onto me. … After I obtained married, I had under no circumstances meant that for that to be a public occasion. I went out of my method to make it very, very non-public and to be very, very secretive. And paparazzi confirmed up anyway. After which in fact, I get the messages from individuals saying, “You already know who won’t ever get to get married? Meredith.” And I simply have that thrown in my face continually as if my life would not matter, as a result of she misplaced hers. …

It is one thing I name the one sufferer fallacy … this concept that in any tragedy, there’s solely room for one actual sufferer, and one way or the other, victimhood is a zero-sum equation. And so acknowledging the victimhood of 1 individual one way or the other takes away from the victimhood of one other. And naturally, if you actually take a look at it, it is absurd, it would not make any sense, however individuals really feel that for some cause. And I feel that that is as a result of they are not able to imagining me as an actual human being.

On discovering her goal in jail as a translator and a scribe

An important method to survive jail is to be helpful, as a result of it is an setting the place there’s plenty of want and never plenty of assets and everyone seems to be competing for these restricted assets. So the easiest way to place your self will not be as competitors, however as a useful resource. … By that point I used to be fluent in Italian, I used to be in a position to operate as a translator. So numerous the ladies that had been imprisoned weren’t Italian, weren’t fluent in Italian, and had no concept what anybody was telling them. …

[There were] lots of people from numerous African nations, additionally Jap Europe, however you already know there have been a pair Chinese language ladies that had been in there at one level, and I used to be translating for them. I simply occurred to have this English to Chinese language dictionary as a result of I am a language nerd. I simply had it in my cell with me and so what they did was they known as me down and had me translate for these ladies by pointing to phrases within the dictionary after which like translating one after the other the phrases that they had been pointing to within the dictionary from, so Chinese language to English to Italian. There have been no translators within the jail, so I ended up being the unofficial translator for everybody and each language.

After which the opposite factor that grew to become my form of unofficial job was scribe. I used to be everybody’s favourite scribe, not simply because I might write in each English and Italian, however as a result of I had good handwriting. Everybody actually thought that my handwriting was very stunning. And if you end up somebody who’s in jail, particularly should you’re feeling lonely and are searching for some consideration from some male counterpart, wherever he could also be, you wished to seem fairly to them, and the best way that you would seem fairly is by having fairly handwriting.

On why some individuals might really feel reluctant to acknowledge her innocence

Acknowledging my innocence prices individuals one thing. It prices them the belief that they scapegoated an individual who might very properly have simply been them, that they’ve consumed as leisure the worst expertise of somebody’s life. And I feel that the price of that signifies that individuals are immune to the thought of recognizing that I actually am a sufferer of those circumstances. And I am nonetheless preventing a wrongful conviction to at the present time.

On attending a convention of the Innocence Community for the primary time

Two exonerees approached me. And I hadn’t but mentioned a phrase to anybody, they simply came to visit to me, gave me a giant hug, and mentioned, “You do not have to elucidate a factor, little sister. We all know.” And I had no concept till that second that that was what I wanted to listen to, as a result of what I had been feeling was that earlier than I might ever be accepted by different individuals, I needed to clarify myself. And I’ve to justify my existence and my presence continually. And so they had been letting me know that not solely was that not true, however additionally they had felt that manner too, as a result of why else would they know to say that?

On her resolution to achieve out to the prosecutor of her case

For a very long time, he was the boogeyman. He was the massive scary man who was making choices to break my life. And I used to be terrified of him, I did not perceive him. The query that haunted me most … was why, simply merely why? … I did not assume that he was a psychopath. … There needed to be one thing extra to it, it needed to be extra difficult, however I could not determine it out. … So many individuals suggested me to not. Together with everybody within the innocence motion, they had been all saying, it is a waste of time. …

I reached out to him, and I informed him that I wished to know him exterior of this adversarial system the place we had been pitted in opposition to one another from the very starting. I acknowledged that he very probably felt misrepresented by how the world had seen him and his interactions with this case and the way I discovered that relatable.

On how this expertise modified her as a mom

I 100% imagine in transparency and honesty and I ought to all the time reply my daughter’s questions with age-appropriate honesty and never deal with this story as like this bizarre taboo side of my life and our lives. However much more vital than that, I feel that kids see what we do greater than they take heed to what we are saying. And I really feel actually assured that I can present my daughter that stuff will occur that’s painful and out of your management and inevitable, nevertheless it would not outline you and yow will discover your manner by it. I do not know what inevitable horrible factor goes to occur to my daughter or my son, however all of us undergo one thing. And I would like her to see deep down that that isn’t the tip, and that’s all, and that in actual fact, that’s just the start. And I really feel so assured that I can do this for her and I may be there for her.

On why she goes again to Italy 

In a giant manner, I grew up in Italy. Italy is part of me. I communicate Italian to my kids. I’m an Italian American, in some ways. One of many issues that my husband and I [said] on one in every of our journeys again to Italy was, “make good reminiscences.” That was our mantra, “make good reminiscences.” And even after I revisited my home in Perugia, the place this entire crime occurred, I had this stunning realization that it was only a place. Like there was any individual else dwelling in it as if nothing unhealthy had ever occurred. It wasn’t like this set-in-amber place of tragedy. It was a spot. This was a spot the place somebody had misplaced their life and likewise somebody had made love and different individuals had lived their lives and prefer it was only a place. And each place is the place of somebody’s worst tragedy and somebody’s finest moments.

I actually felt like after dwelling so lengthy in a tragedy in Italy, what I wished was to have good reminiscences alongside them in order that I would not have this distorted view of this in the end stunning nation and exquisite individuals. That was actually vital to me, to see Italy for what it actually was, and never simply the seat of the worst expertise of my life.

Lauren Krenzel and Anna Bauman produced and edited this interview for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Beth Novey tailored it for the online.